


Keeping Up With The KarGAYshians

by wecallitlove



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Group chat, Implied Casual Sex, Lance (Voltron) is a Mess, M/M, Mean Girls References, Memes, Other, Texan Keith (Voltron), fluff and crack?, hunk is a real bro, i can't believe thats an actual tag lol, keith pines harder than an evergreen, lance is oblivious, of course keith has seen it, pidge is the sass master
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-23
Updated: 2017-06-23
Packaged: 2018-11-17 14:37:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11277315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wecallitlove/pseuds/wecallitlove
Summary: Lance meets a girl at Lush and gets her number. He starts a group chat with his three closest friends to brag about it, but getting a group chat with all four of them together to stay on track is more difficult than herding cats.





	Keeping Up With The KarGAYshians

**Author's Note:**

> My tumblr url is Spaceshipklance
> 
> Lance= LovelyLance  
> Keith= Keef  
> Hunk= CaptainSunshine  
> Pidge= HackerSupreme

_LovelyLance has_ _added CaptainSunshine, HackerSupreme, and Keef to the group Keeping up with the KarGAYshians._

 

**LovelyLance:** guess who has two thumbs and got a total hottie’s number?

**HackerSupreme:** I don’t know, Lance, how ever could we possibly guess the outcome of this absolutely perplexing predicament of a riddle?

**CaptainSunshine:** lol

**LovelyLance:** comeon, just guess

**Keef:** two things

**HackerSupreme:** why, when you’re gonna tell us anyway?

**Keef:** Why is my name the least creative and complimentary

**Keef:** and why is there a group chat for discussing Lance’s dating prospects???

**HackerSupreme:** tru ^^

**LovelyLance:** y’all are rude. Why am I even friends with you guys?

**Keef:** go on then, tell us about the new object of your desires

**CaptainSunshine:** HOLD UP, AREWE JUST GONNA GLOSS OVER THE FACT THAT LANCE USED “y’all” IN CONVERSATION????

**HackerSupreme:** OHMYGOD HE DID LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

**CaptainSunshine:** Someone’s been spending a little too much time around a certain Texan loner…

**Keef:** …

 

_ HackerSupreme changed LovelyLance’s name to BrokebackBae _

 

**BrokebackBae:** FIRST OF ALL, HUNK, HOW DARE YOU INSULT KEITH’S CULTURAL BACKGROUND

**BrokebackBae:** I’LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT KEITH DOESN’T SAY Y’ALL AT ALL

**Keef:** ……. uuhhhhhhh….

**HackerSupreme:** Wow, Lance, good for you for defending your boyfriend’s heritage.

**CaptainSunshine:** lol yeah you and Keith must really be bonding a lot *wink, wink*

 

_ BrokebackBae changed HackerSupreme’s name to TraitorSupreme _

 

_ BrokebackBae changed CaptainSunshine’s name to CaptainBetrayal _

 

**Keef:** um..

**Keef:** can I interject for like, two seconds tho?

**CaptainBetrayal:** by all means, cowpoke.

**Keef:** …

**TraitorSupreme:** COWPOKE

**Keef:** Maybe we should just get to the main reason we’re here.

**Keef:** So what about that girl, Lance?

 

_ TraitorSupreme changed Keef’s name to MasterDeflector _

 

**MasterDeflector:** Call a spade a spade, I guess

**CaptainBetrayal:** at least he owns it, unlike some people…. *cough* Lance…

**BrokebackBae:** So her name’s Nyma

**CaptainBetrayal:** like nai-muh or nee-muh?

**BrokebackBae:** uhhhhhhh.. the first one?

**TraitorSupreme:** that’s annoying, it makes more sense pronounced the other way.

**BrokebackBae:** whatever, so yeah, she’s super cool and freakin slammin and got dam, she got HIPS

**MasterDeflector:** its like you’re speaking a different language, what????

**BrokebackBae:** she’s fuckin hot, Keith, jesus christ keep up

**MasterDeflector:** OKAY BUT I WOULDN’T KNOW CAUSE I’M YKNOW GAY

**BrokebackBae:** I feel like that’s your excuse for everything. Next thing you know, our physics professor is gonna ask you a question in class and you’re just gonna be like “sorry, Professor Smythe, I can’t answer your question cause I’m gay.”

**CaptainBetrayal:** Maybe he’ll give him partial credit for honesty.

**TraitorSupreme:** pffffft

**MasterDeflector:** I mean, Smythe would probably get a laugh out of that, unlike when he tries to call on Lance and catches him staring at his niece, Allura.

**BrokebackBae:** Allura is a beautiful woman, how can you NOT stare at her?

**MasterDeflector:** Sorry, Lance, I can’t answer your question cause I’m gay.

 

_ MasterDeflector changed BrokebackBae’s name to WayTooStraight _

 

**TraitorSupreme:** god, I love watching Keith get sassy, it’s like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs…

**WayTooStraight:** Keith, I resent your choice in orientation for me. You know damn well I’m just as into dick as I am into tits

**MasterDeflector:** ....

**WayTooStraight:** …….. Pidge did you just??

**TraitorSupreme:** yeah, maybe I did. Whaddya gonna do about it???

 

_ WayTooStraight changed TraitorSupreme’s name to SoFetch _

 

_ WayTooStraight changed their name to bulBIsaur _

 

**MasterDeflector:** … I don’t get it.

**CaptainBetrayal:** What, the Mean Girls reference?

**CaptainBetrayal:** It was a movie in like 2004 with Lindsay Lohan and uhhh Rachel McAdams?

**MasterDeflector:** I know what Mean Girls is, Hunk. I’m talking about “bulbisaur”

**bulBIsaur:** YEAH, HUNK, HES GAY, OF COURSE HE’S SEEN MEAN GIRLS

**bulBIsaur:** and it’s a pokemon reference to my bi-ness you walnut

**MasterDeflector:** wtf the fact that I’m gay has nothing to do with seeing Mean Girls?? That movie is literally iconic, everyone has seen it, and anyone who hasn’t might as well be living under a rock. And wtf kind of insult is “walnut”???!?

 

_ CaptainBetrayal has changed MasterDeflector’s name to TooGayToFunction _

 

**bulBIsaur:** omg Hunk yeeeeessss I woulda never thoughtof that one I’m so proud

**TooGayToFunction:** eh, I can mostly function.

**SoFetch:** so Lance, how did you meet this girl with the infuriating name?

**bulBIsaur:** oh, yeah, so I was at Lush picking up some more of the coffee mask and some other stuff and she was looking as bath bombs

**bulBIsaur:** and I kinda went up to her and suggested my favorite, the sex bomb

**CaptainBetrayal:** lol sex bomb

 

_ SoFetch changed CaptainBetrayal’s name to Icannotbelieveyoure12yearsold _

 

_ SoFetch changed Icannotbelieveyoure12yearsold’s name to YourebetterthanthisHunk _

 

**YourebetterthanthisHunk:** sorry, I know I am.. (btw, i made you a batch of those lavender cookies you found the recipe for.)

 

_ SoFetch changed YourebetterthanthisHunk’s name to PureSunflower _

 

**bulBIsaur:** we talked a bit about our fave products from Lush and whatnot and I asked her for her number and she was… really surprised?? And you better save some for me, Pidge. But like.. idunno why she was so thrown off by that? I thought we were vibin pretty well.. but I got her number, so, hey

**TooGayToFunction:** LMAO SHE THOUGHT YOU WERE GAY

**SoFetch:** wow, i can’t believe that Lance, our overly hetero-projecting bi, was mistaken for gay.

**TooGayToFunction:** hahaha I can.

**bulBIsaur:** nah, cause I used some of my expert pick-up lines on her  and that’s absolutely why I got her number

**SoFetch:** bet you $20 it was a pity number

**bulBIsaur:** WHAT??1!!

**PureSunflower:** Gotta agree with Pidge and Keith, dude. You aren’t exactly the best at picking up chicks…

**bulBIsaur:** I’LL PROVE YOU ALL WRONG BY TEXTING HER RIGHT NOW

**TooGayToFunction:** lol okay

**SoFetch:** He’s hopeless

**TooGayToFunction:** you’re telling me. I’m the one he tests his pickup lines on, they’re awful.

**SoFetch:** uhhhhh really???

**SoFetch:** Are they awful because they’re not good?

**SoFetch:** ……. Or are they awful because he’s planning on using them for other people?

**TooGayToFunction:** I won’t even dignify that with a response

**SoFetch:** mmmmm that’s all the response I need.

**TooGayToFunction:** So she’s not texting you back, huh, Lance?

**SoFetch:** * comment deflected*

**TooGayToFunction:** Lance?

**SoFetch:** Imma call him

**TooGayToFunction:** okay

**bulBIsaur:** sup?

**SoFetch:** Lance you cold corndog I why the hell did you pick up and just breathe heavily into the receiver for 5 seconds before hanging up????

**bulBIsaur:** I GOT DISTRACTED WHAT DO YOU WANT???

**TooGayToFunction:** *facepalm*

**SoFetch:** did she text back??

**bulBIsaur:** uh.. no?

**TooGayToFunction:** what did you send her?

**bulBIsaur:** uh, you know, the usual like “hey how’s it going”

**SoFetch:** I love it when I’m right

**bulBIsaur:** what are you talking about?

**TooGayToFunction:** ??

**TooGayToFunction:** oh

**TooGayToFunction:** lmao

**bulBIsaur:** uhhhhhhhh???????

**SoFetch:** She gave you a fake number, huh?

**bulBIsaur:** WHAT?? NO?? SHE JUST HASN’T RESPONDED

**TooGayToFunction:** pics or it didn’t happen

**bulBIsaur:** …

**SoFetch:** PAY UP LOSER

**bulBIsaur:** whatever…

**bulBIsaur:** Keith you really need to stop leaving your fucking underwear here

**TooGayToFunction:** uh..

**SoFetch:** WHAT OMGOMG WHAT

**PureSunflower:** LANCE WHAT THE HELL WHY YOU KEEPIN SECRETS

**bulBIsaur:** fUCK WRONG CHAT

**TooGayToFunction:** I’m just gonna go then….

**SoFetch:** oh HELL no you’re staying right here and explaining why your UNDERWEAR IS AT LANCE’S HOUSE

**TooGayToFunction:** guessilldie.jpg

**PureSunflower:** NO AMOUNT OF MEMES CAN GET YOU OUT OF THIS ONE, MISTER

**bulBIsaur:** Well we cant do it at Keith’s cause Shiro is always there

**TooGayToFunction:** jesus fucking shit Lance, come out and tell them, why don’t you?

**PureSunflower:** TELL US WHAT

**SoFetch:** W HAT ????? DO I EVEN WANNA KNOW??

**bulBIsaur:** Keith and I have been uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

**SoFetch:** OHMYGOD SPIT IT OUT

**bulBIsaur:** WELL IDK WHAT TO CALL IT,WE HAVNT TALKED ABOUT IT KEITH HELP ME OUT BUDDY

**TooGayToFunction:** ugh fine .. fuck … um so we’ve been having a fwb kinda thing for the last month.

**PureSunflower:** Called it. Pay up, Pidge

**SoFetch:** shit, good one, Hunk.

**SoFetch:** So I’m gonna go before I learn anything more about your sex lives and I’m scarred forever. Byeeee

 

_ SoFetch has left the conversation _

 

**bulBIsaur:** Hunk I’m so disappointed in you, betting on your best friend like that.

**PureSunflower:** Dude, we’re best friends. How could I not know? Plus, Pidge was the one who placed the bet. I just went along with it cause I know you’re a terrible liar. Congrats, bro

**bulBIsaur:** you wound me, brother

**PureSunflower:** I was gonna buy you that rose mask you’ve been wanting to try with the easy $20 but fine, I guess I’ll use it to buy myself a novelty cook book

**TooGayToFunction:** ooooh harsh

**PureSunflower:** You guys should really just date already.

**bulBIsaur:** HUUUNKKKK SHUT UP

**TooGayToFunction:** uh

 

_ TooGayToFunction has left the conversation _

 

**PureSunflower:** forreal tho, bro. I’ll help you plan a first date and everything

 

_ bulBIsaur has left the conversation _

 

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first fic of any type in about 5 years. Let me know what you think! I'm currently working on a Klance college/dance/music AU (it's gonna be a serious thing and from the looks of it, it's gonna be L O N G) 
> 
> Let me know if you guys would like more of this and I might write more for this one. But for now, I'm keeping this as a one-off.


End file.
